I’m just going to throw it out there this is a bit of a personal blog post, if i’m honest it’s more for my reflection so i can look back on it and see my journey, but i also wanted to share it with others, for those who think things won’t get better or for those who have traveled this journey with me. So here goes.
Things Are Looking Up.
Looking back and comparing myself now, to how i was this time last year, how i’d deal with things, how i’d react, i can honestly say i have improved so much. It’s one of those things where you don’t realise the changes you are making until you stepped back and assess the full picture.
Personally, I no longer feel the need to rely on people, because i know how to make myself happy and help myself. But i also know how to ask for help when i need it and let people help me. I’ve managed to find the right balance between helping myself but also being comfortable enough to ask for the extra help when i need it.
I also don’t feel the need to make up excuses anymore. For many years now i’ve struggled to say no. I often find myself having to make up excuses when i don’t want to do something because i feel guilty and like letting people down.
Lately however, i’ve found myself saying no to the things i don’t feel happy or comfortable doing. I shouldn’t have to make up excuses. If someone has a problem with me not doing something, that’s their issue not mine. Being able to say no may not be a big deal for some people but for me, just being honest and saying no without feeling guilty is a massive step.
I’m also at a stage where i don’t feel the need to chase anyone because at the end of the day the people who want to be in your life wont need chasing. They will already be there.
You shouldn’t need to beg someone to stay. They should choose to be there. You should never feel like you have to force someone to stay, if that’s the case, it’s not genuine and you don’t need someone like that in your life. Just let them walk, everyone is replaceable. Don’t feel like you’ll miss out, just because you’ve lost a “good” friend doesn’t mean you’ll never meet another.
I have people in my life now who i’ve known for months who have better intentions then people i’ve known for years. Time is not a measure of friendship. Don’t force relationships with people, just let it happen.
Another thing that’s changed for me is i no longer feel the need to justify myself to anyone. I don’t need to tell people my business. I get to choose who knows what about me and yes, i do put a lot out there especially on here but that’s my choice and that’s because i want to help others through talking about my experiences. But at the same time If i don’t want to do or talk about something then i don’t have to. Everyone is entitled to privacy. Everyone is allowed secrets.
Honestly, for the first time in a long time, i am completely content with who i am and where i am in life. I no longer feel like i have to impress other people, if someones going to like me, i’d rather they liked me for who i am, not for what i can fake. No one is ever going to be liked by every single person they meet. I try and get on with everyone but i’ll admit there are people i’m not a huge fan of but that’s okay. I’ll let them live their life just like they’ll live mine.
Someones opinion of you shouldn’t matter. Whatever you do in life theres always going to be someone who doesn’t like it, someone who judges you with unkind words. But if you can accept yourself for who you are and if you are happy with what you are doing in life, then screw it.
It has taken me a hell of a long time to realise all of this but i finally have and i couldn’t be happier.
For those of you who are still struggling with this, you aren’t alone, there are people who love and care for you. Things may not be perfect now but coming from someone who didn’t think things would improve, they do, it just takes time.