The funny thing about anxiety is, it isn’t rational. It makes us question things that don’t need to be questioned. It makes us find problems in things that most others wouldn’t. And the worst thing is we feel stupid for feeling this way. 9 times out of 10 we won’t say anything because we worry about what you’ll say in return. We don’t want to be a burden and we certainly don’t want to seem pathetic or weak. So please when we do tell you how we feel, if we say something makes us feel anxious or we tell you that we don’t feel comfortable, listen and try to understand. Do not say that it’s not a big deal, it might not be to you but it is to us. I understand that not everyone will see things the way I do, but please just try to understand or even just acknowledge it, regardless of whether you agree. It may be hard to understand why someone may freak out over something which to you is such a minor thing but understand it’s even harder for us to talk about.
There will always be things I will struggle with. Whether this be asking questions, being around people I don’t know, answering the phone or simply saying how I feel. I don’t expect you to understand 100% why I’m like this but just don’t draw attention to it. I hate change. I hate not being in control. I hate not knowing exactly what is going on. It takes me a while to get used to new things or people, but once I let my guard down, once I get comfortable I get attached. Which in some ways is great because it means I relax more, I laugh and I don’t get as anxious but it’s also super risky letting myself get this comfortable. The slightest change completely throws me and so losing people or certain factors in life changing, effects me a hell of a lot. But I’m stubborn and I won’t admit that. I’d rather act like everything’s okay and ignore it because it’s easier, that doesn’t mean it isn’t eating away at me, it doesn’t mean that it’s not all I think about before I go to sleep.
Right now I don’t really know what is going on. I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know who I trust. But I do know that I am trying, I am trying to open up about the things that bother me, the things that make me anxious, so please if I tell you something that’s bothering me, try and understand or at least just listen. Because I don’t open up to people easily.